In Case You Wanted To Kill Me? You can't I know I've tried
by azebra117
Summary: Another Avenger has tried as well. One-shot. Rated T for attempted suicide. Trigger-suicide


"In case you wanted to kill me? You can't. I know. I've tried."  
"Bruce no..." Tony said, so soft no one could hear it.  
"I got low. Didn't see an end. So I put a bullet in my mouth, and the other guy spit it out." A bullet to the brain. Tony had considered that option, but didn't want it to be too messy so he had chosen differently...  
ALL ITALICS HERE-  
"JARVIS, how many of these pills would it take to kill me?" Tony asked.  
"Why do you want to know?"  
"Just curious."  
"40"  
"ok..." Tony stared at the pills, did he really want to go through with this?  
'You're a worthless price of shit, Tony! I don't know why I ever stayed with you! All you do is hook up with girls and then leave them, you never think of anyone but yourself! Even your company kills more people than it saves!' Pepper had yelled at him, really got mad. But what she said was true, he'd been thinking it for a while he just tried pushing it to the back of his mind. But having it yelled at him by the person he cared about most... it struck deep.  
He couldn't shake the feeling that all he ever did in life was kill people. Even after he invented Iron Man people used Stark weapons to kill. Every day more blood was on his hands, and he couldn't shake it off.  
For every one person he saved he had killed another hundred. And he couldn't push it back anymore. Slowly Tony opened the lid of the bottle and counted out 40 pills.  
"JARVIS, don't let anyone in to see me for the next hour. Understood?"  
"Why?"  
"Don't question it. Understood?"  
"Yes sir."  
Taking a deep breath Tony looked one last time at a photo of Pepper before swallowing the pills one by one.  
By the last few pills Tony couldn't see straight, his brain was funny, and everything was tilting.  
As the world faded out he heard someone screaming... a woman... yelling a word... Tony...

The world was fuzzy as Tony opened his eyes. Why was he still alive? This couldn't be what death looks like... could it? Blinking he realized he was in a bed with an IV drip attached to him. Shaking Tony raised his hand to pull it out, but his hand barely lifted an inch off the bed.  
The door opened and Tony looked up to see Pepper walking towards him. He opened his mouth to say something but she reached over and slapped him across the face.  
"What... did I-I-I do?" The words took a while forming in his mouth, but he eventually got them out.  
"You tried to kill yourself that's what." Pepper snapped. "I'm sorry I yelled at you yesterday, I just... sometimes i get ged up with it all, but I didn't know you were so hung up about what I said."  
"Why did you..."  
"Why did I save you? Because I couldn't live without you. Because the world wouldn't be able to live without you. Do you know how many kids want to meet you? How many think of you as their role model?"  
"Suckish role model," Tony muttered.  
"Yeah well... Just promise me you won't try that again."  
"Ok."  
"Do you promise?"  
"I... I promise." But he knew it was an empty promise, it wasn't the first time he tried and it probably wouldn't be the last.

"Glad to get him out of here." Natasha muttered as Thor transported Loki away.  
"Tell me about it. C'mon, let's hit the beach." Clint smiled and hopped in his car. Natasha got in the car with him while Bruce and Tony got in theirs and Steve followed on a motorbike.  
They hit a patch of bad traffic, pretty much standstill, and Tony turned towards Bruce.  
"Did you really try?" Tony asked.  
"Gotta be a bit more specific. Try what?"  
"While we were scanning Lokis scepter, before Clint broke everything. You talked about putting a bullet in your mouth."  
"Uh..." Bruce rubbed his neck,"Yeah I did."  
"If you ever feel like that again, come talk to me. I'm not a feelings guy but I can relate. Don't hold it in though, just makes it worse." Tony advised as he pulled forward another foot.  
"Thanks, but-"  
"But what? If you feel low talk to me, if I feel low I'll come to you. It works. Two way street."  
"Ok. I'll remember."  
"There we go." Tony smiled as they cleared the traffic. "Who's up for a race?"


End file.
